me.

sometimes i wonder, what the hell am i doing?

why am i like this, hurting and lying people i love the most

sometimes i wonder, am i worth it?

i wonder

who am i?

where do i go?

utterly everything

going back soon~wee

its not that i dun love home, i love it, but i guess i do my best when i am out.

nothing to say actually just scared and anxious to go to kuantan~

I want the beach

Rain, never really stops

Thunder, never really strikes

The gray and the merciless memories lies

Where no consolation and forgiveness.

Its cold and it hurts,

The feeling trampled my wings,

My broken heart fell harder

To piece impossible to mend.

Why the rain never stops?

Its pretty cold right now,

Guess to cover my tears.

Once again to see you in my dreams.

The skies holds my secrets

and you hold my memories

along our gentle touches

cover me from the rain,

heat me up with your warmth

and let me be in your arms.

I don't care about the rain anymore,

nor the coldness of the world,

I have you to be here

and make me fly again

Love is not negotiable.
Love is a guessing game,
and that’s the beauty of it.
There are no guarantees.

It’s like diving into a pool of water
without knowing if its shallow or deep
and sure [yeah] if its shallow you end up
hurt and paralyzed from the neck down,
but if its deep…
[you know] its a leap of faith…
its like throwing yourself out there without
any guarantees, and that’s what life’s about.

You know those carnival games,
you know how some of them are really hard to win
and those that are super easy and everyone wins
well… that’s the difference between love and sex
Sex is the game where everyone wins a little prize
and no one goes home a loser
and Love is the game that’s really hard to win.
but if you do and you get to take home that
life size stuffed rhinoceros
and it feels a whole lot better than taking
home that little shitty plastic key chain.

Taken from a website~ so true~

another good one would be this...took it from a website saying that what women really wants from a guy (based on the movie-notebook) ....which i have to say is true at some point...~~~

Women love…

1.) Men who are willing to makes fools of themselves to show how much they want to be with you. Ah, the power of the public grand gesture. It reminds us just how brave and courageous you are, willing to take risks and possible/likely rejection. (Think of the Ferris wheel scene when Noah jumps on to introduce himself to Allie and ask for a date.)

2.) Men who are persistent. Unless she is completely turned off by the sight of you from the initial meeting, she will warm up to your persistence. You can tell if an initial “no” really means “keep trying” if she is unable to hide some form of a smile or smirk. It shows us that you are not easily discouraged, that you are willing to work hard for what you want, that you are ambitious, and most importantly, that you really want us.

3.) Men who only have eyes for one woman. I know guys usually face rejection and move on to the next girl with ease, and a lot of guys can like several girls simultaneously. Girls don’t want to believe this, hence the appeal of Noah, who only has eyes for Allie. I guess the least you can do is make us feel like we are it. Don’t flaunt your other pursuits. Think the opposite of the message in the song Mambo # 9. It shows us that you are loyal, and that you see something in us that is different from all the other girls.

4.) Men who keep their promises regardless of circumstances. Noah said he would build the house with the blue shutters, the wrap around porch, and the painting room. He delivered. It shows us that you have integrity….which brings me to the next…

5.) Men who do the loving thing even when it hurts. Noah wrote Allie for a year without a response. Bravo. ’nuff said. This shows us that your hopes aren’t easily shattered, and even after it all, you are not bitter. Look at Noah’s last letter. Day 365:

My Dearest Allie, I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you. Noah

6.) Men who esteem themselves not because of worldly accomplishments but in the accomplishment of loving another deeply.

At the beginning of the movie, Noah says:

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

This shows us that loving others is your greatest priority. That kind of man is hard to find!

7.) Men who really listen. I mean, you can tell he really listened because he remembered her wishes. When she said what she wanted, he looked at her intently, as if he were making a note in his mind. Like Rick Warren says in The Purpose-driven Life, what we really want from people we love is “focused attention.” We want to look into your eyes, and see that all of you is really there, and there is no other place you would rather be. This shows us that we are up there on your mental priority list and that you value our thoughts.

8.) Men who would tell the truth, risk hurting our feelings, and fight with us rather than withdraw and brush issues under the rug to preserve peace. Like this scene:

Noah: Well, that’s what we do: we fight. You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a b**ch, and I tell you when you are a pain in the a**, which you are 99 percent of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2-second rebound rate, then you’re back doing the next pain-in-the-a** thing.
Allie: So what?
Noah: So it’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.

It shows us that you care enough about saving the authenticity of the relationship to speak out. It shows that you are not indifferent. It shows that you are a man and not a doormat.

9.) Men who are realists. They believe that it will take work and that it will be hard. Love is work; it isn’t leisure. They don’t buy into an easy, pain-free “happily ever after.” It shows us that you are in it with earthly expectations and that you are not just in love with the high of being in love. It shows us that you are willing to work at love and that hard times will not make you hardened. And lastly…

10.) Men who want us till death do us part. Forever isn’t scary; commitment isn’t scary. We want to believe that it is natural to want forever, to want commitment because it’s with us. A couple of years ago, I asked a guy I dated what was the number one quality he wanted in a girl. He replied, “forever.” (Sigh.) I guess “forever” is a universal wish of those who truly seek love.

!@#%$#@%%...FML

I don't feel good...not good at all...

i feel down sad and very much in the greys...

I don't know what to do with my life, its far from being useful and meaningful...

I have no talent, I have nothing...

I can't draw

I can't write

what else can i do?

I can't paint

I can't argue

No wonder its out of color

I can't sing

I can't dance

Life's excitement,

I don't enjoy

Nerdy but nothing

Reading but in blanks

My mind is full of thoughts

Where should i go next?

Oh, wait...

I haven't even started.

I can't cook

I can't baked

What a girly shame

I can't dress

I can't groom

Stylist is a no no

I can't drive

I can't clean

Damn...no chauffeur then..

Don't be mad,

My dearly beloved,

I know what i promise

But forgive me,

I need to let out

somehow...

Whats left of me?

Whats the use of me?

I depend on people so much

I want to come out

My grades are bad

I 'm not smart

What have i learn all these years?

Whats worth?

I don't even have a dream.

WEEE...love the song and lyrics

Beautiful Maria of My Soul
~ Los Lobos

In the sunlight of your smile
In the summer of our life
In the magic of love
Storms above scattered away

Lovers dreaming in the night
Reaching for paradise
But as the dark shadows fade
Love slips away

On an empty stretch of beach
In the pattern of the waves
Drawing pictures with my hand
In the sand, I see your face

Skipping pebbles on the sea
Wishing for paradise
Sand castles crumble below
The restless tides ebb and flow

Listening to a shell
Hoping for your voice
Beautiful Maria of my soul

Though we'll always be apart
Locked forever in a dream
If I ever love again
Even then, nothing will change

And the taste of you remains
Clinging to paradise
But as the distance from you grows
All that my heart ever knows
Hunger for your kiss
Longing for your touch
Beautiful Maria of my soul

Filling all my nights
Haunting all my days
Beautiful Maria of my soul