confused...me against me

Do you know that when you fall in love...there is no stopping. You'll fall so deeply that u find your not yourself anymore...yes..i do feel that way.I used to be damn useless, at least i felt that way, never good enough, i was always envious of people, especially 2 person ( one my best friend, one i some how can't seem to shake off how good she is), I really don't want to name names...Cause this is one sided...they dun even know it...I hate how i am like that..ENVIOUS is not a nice word, and it doesn't mean nice.

I wish I could do does things,play an instrument or two, or maybe perfect in some skills or have money (geezz...everyone wants it)..nice feature (i have nice eyes but cacat face).. And most of time i get hit on, coz they think i'm easy, seriously i know where i stand......

I wish i wasn't so different, or so average i suppose, even i'm not sure anymore.... I am so confuse of how do I forget those feeling and how can i beat those feeling and how do make me worth more...

Now i am still confused. But being a bit better, coz atleast i am somewhat important to somebody and that they gotten use to how i am. I hate to be weak, rely on people and not know what to do. To them i am naive, i beg to differ, but i kinda like tat...I kinda like them somewhat think i am pretty, hot, and smart and independent and well...good (part of me still denies it so often that i still hate the look on the mirror, more often cause i can't stand to see how much weight i put on)..

I wan to make more friends and open up to ppl, i dun wan to be used and boycott by the whole class like i was in high school, it was terrifying....but i suppose i am content with wat i have, it can be boring some times...but its ok

I'm gonna go for prom...and i dun wan any pictures taken, that contradicting...haha...i dunno...hopefully it gonna boost me abit...