I am a sore loser. Ps: I am not emotional

to that some one, don't be offended.

I am trying my best to type in full perfect sentence without using any short form, or text language. I need to start practice to get rid of that habit cause I am communication major, and thus a lot of formal writing involve. Until know I can't quite differentiate the American English and the British one except from a few easy ones.

Let me be clear, I am not a Muslim, so I don't think I'll be needing prayer outfits. But thanks for the offer.

I AM A EURASIAN. and I am a Catholic.

Most of all, I am a sore loser.

I know I am since I am young, I do try to change that , and I try to suck it up hard. But I am not strong, I break down easy. I hate to compete, unless, I know I have a preferable amount of chance I can compete.And now most of the time, after so many things, I don't have anything to compete, I am not good in most things, and i don't have the right to be in that position to compete.

Some times its not that I don't want to have fun, but its not easy to see yourself keep falling. You'd think I am bitch and a child. So what if this is my flaw, can't anyone just accept. I get angry, but later I'll be fine. And I don't like to be treated handicapped. I know you don;t mean it, but if you do read this, you'll be high-end the edge piss, and we'll argue.

Some things I just can't tell in your face, I know you want me to buckle up and grow some balls. But I'm really sorry i can't do it. I am in fact a sore loser. But i'm trying to be lesser.

Bottom line,

I;m trying to not be that sore,I 'm trying to believe like what you do,

Just that i'm not there yet. At least i improve on my summary.

And don't be angry, I'm not emotional or whatever.

Play it

Play it like you mean it

Play it like the way it goes

Never planned for it though

Don't fall on it

Play it like a skater on ice

Play it like a tango dance

Play it when you cry

Let the wind blow your tears

Play it like sinatra

Play it passionly

Cause you'll never know

when you'll wake up tommorow

Happy, sad

No one cares

If they do,

Do they understand?

When you smile,

When you cry,

When you are true

or when you fake it

You play it

So play it,

Play that tune and that beat,

Swirl around, dance for it

you make it your own

No one knows your story,

How you suffer,or laugh.

How you hurt,or gain

nor how you fall,or raise

No one but the world and you alone...

2011

2011 is already a mess in the beginning, a bloody one too.

it started with a real bang, and pull my world way down and far that i could possibly imagine. I am struggling to pull myself back up, I'm starting to feel the worse of it. slowly draining what left of humanity i have. And little i have of that. HUMANITY.

which it doesn't make any difference, i was invincible to begin with, so then why all these fears of "what if...one day they find out?" ....Its annoying, and a pain in the ass.

I just want to run and hide. College is like a place that are, sad to say too many lucky and happy people. And they get annoyed and sad for the least amount of reasons that i sometimes call stupid, call me a bitch, but there are alot of people like that. I am not trying to say I am not lucky, I am...just not as much, but i swallow if i can. I liked to think i do....

I know this semester is going to be more tough than it usually is, cause all the technical and professional things that are to be learned and imply on, but i wouldn't say hard, cause i have yet done it. ANd so far, after the bloody mess, i think i don't care already, its pointless. I mess up big time few years back, finally set things right and i'm pulled off track. What is the use of trying?

THe only closure i get is from my boyfriend,who is always amazing and there. I maybe getting a bit too annoying or clingy. But i hope it doesn't drive him away.

I'm slipping away....slowly, and the one who can save me is him, glad to have him. Love you baby.