MY baby's gay pic~^^

look at you closely......
smile at you sweetlykiss u ! muack!

here is your gay gay pic~^^ V

i love you baby....love you the most

muackkkkkkkk

miss U much

I miss you baby....

its almost time to go back to college, means i get to spend time with you...
I'll miss mom and dad, my siblings, my noisy and cute nephews....


i hope evry thing does go well....i want start a new....i wanna put alll the shit behind me, i'm not strong so i really need you baby....help me pull through...give me a smack on my head once a while...

love you since a year back...still do love you! muacks~^^

lil story

life is now offcially abit annoying...
but i'm glad at home......
nobodies read the blog i know...but fuck it anyway..its the best out put i have. wrote a bit of something...

taking her usual walk....after reading a few books it was a good idea to ponder upon those of what she read. She is independent, loner, and a little too self absorb in her own world. She finds it hard to be "normal", as though a desease need to be "neutralize"

She is not old nor too young, she don't make the best decision but she takes the time to decide. She understands what things "appear to be" but not fully...but then who really understands fully?

She sits on a bench, admiring the wind that blows from behind, softly tuck her hair behind her ear, enjoying being alone, enjoy quietness....

This can be quite addicting...and quite bad...when you been too long in the quiet...you seem to be drawn to somewhat a similar or illussion of loneliness...then you have to either kick it out of your mind or comform to it...most do the latter part.change. and then "fit in"

sucks is it? thats what a group means....you conform and work together to get others to conform...

but then thats just my opinion...
i suppose i'm trying to sweet talk my self.

really? really....

What happen with all the expressions? do you know we use idiom and phase...and sometimes...it just don't make sense??

REALLY? yes really...its serious...when people try to screw you around with all those high and bombastic english...bring em down...those pricks...

for example

1. "new broom sweeps clean"...........so the old don't??? should i throw it every month? should i get a new broom every week? or maybe everyday? what do i do with the old one? bathe with it?


2."a women's place is at home".......so men get a hotel? ok...lets see you get the food and stuff from the market, bet you won't know between a celery and a cabbage....

3. " all you need is love" ......really? cliche....give me your money then....i'll give you my love...wait...what form does lovetake??

4. "An englishmen's home is his castle" ......take it literally, i won't wage war in england..too high maintance...

5 "easy come , easy go".......well some people come easy..but they never go???!!!...and some go too easy and never come easy...for sex life, thats just sad...

6 "good mind think alike"......assuming 6 billion people in the world, why most of em are stupid when there are smart people inventing things?

7 "it ain't over till the fat lady sings"......whoever came up with this is a fat fetish guy with a BDSM to himself...really....why can't it be lady...just lady.,...that would be way normal....

8"let the dead bury the dead"....why do we attend furnerals again??? why won't we chuck them at the entrance of the cemetary and wait the dead to bury the newly dead and show em how is the work done

9"silence is golden".......then why most people talk bs? why the mute want to talk when they have the gift of eternal silence- so it is not golden....only golden sometimes...makes it silver then- silence is silver.

10. "can;t get blood out of stone"........glad we state the obvious....moving on




..and there is more....feel free to criticize.....

greedy? or not?

dong dong dong...what the hell am i thinking...no idea whatsoever.


I saw a partial movie call keeping mum

Creadits to amazon.com

Made me realize what a mess life really is and can be...seems like you have everything in the world, just not enough to get by with other things. We are greedy, we always have been, and I don't think revolution can change that bit. The moment for a new dream, comes with certain level of greedy-ness.


We are never free, Carpe Diem - seize the day... Another word memento mori-remember you must die. Being a little less greedier would defeat the two phases.

I've reread my blog lately, I always talk about love life, and well whine about every other bits of my pathetic (as i thought it was) life.
I read my own progress report by other people, afew aspect i don't understand, but overall, i am a normal average fine person to be with-----hence, no reason to change ME.

So comparing to other resume of other achievements and of other people, I am in the border line...comparing to what the world has to offer, i am so far off track, remind me again what can i do?

Well back to greedy, what does it have to do with 2 paragraph above? thats right, i'm being greedy. I should be praticing cynicism....

Be that self which one truly is -Soren Kierkegaard.

so basically its human nature, its not all bad, if its for the right reason, in other words - people change it by calling it goals, achievements, reward....

So the question is ..should i be greedy? or is it that i should be filled with contentment, stop trying so hard?

Things i need to keep telling myself...Good quote~

I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualistists. I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, "There is no "i" in team." What you should tell them is, "Maybe not. But there is an "i" in independence, individuality and integrity." Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never
join a group that has a name. If they say, "we are so and so's" , take a walk. And if, somehow, you must join, if it's unavoidable such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But don't participate: it will be your death. And if they tell you you're not a team player, congratuale them on being observant."

by George Carlin

w3ird

gosh...weird days and i'm getting annoyed easily...

too late for identity crisis...really too late, i'm 20

why does everything be like this? i know God has his divine plan- he is not going to change it for me cause its his will.

i'm lucky, i really am...got good parents, siblings , perfect boyfriend....
one thing i lack off, its me...i don't have me...whatever i have its apparently not acceptable..i'm different...i'm oblivious and naive (people tell me that) well..i want to get rid of it and look beyond...with the amount of boats that sunk in my life...i should have got it by now

i'm just weird=weird day= weird people (stalking and hate mails occur)

someone say i dun care for ppl...i need to care for them more..
but when i do , i feel like an idiot, cause nobody takes it....or if they do, they don't care...

i don't feel like i should talk to anyone about it...its not like they'll know
and i don't think they will take me seriously any more..not that any one had

What i think now -1- know, don't know, will know

when u think u exist..u claim so...but at the same time u know that existence won't always be there...

u know u don't live forever

i wanna live in the moment...maybe share with it, regret some, and make up some

but that don't really happen , do they?

its ......

either you grasp that moment or you don't

then thinking back along the line....you/u

say: fuck it, its no fun anyways

or

say: i wish i've done that

either way

you/u don't know the outcome......

then again...what do u know?

u know that ur a fragment...

u know people won't always be there for u

u know everyone will like u, at least the most of them

u know that parents are good people, they just choose wrong words and wrong time

u know u have goal to meet, dreams to fulfill

u know u need to impress people, so they'll like you

u know skinny people fit....so lose weight

What you don't know

God exists or not?

Mom and Dad...are they ok all the time?

you don't know more than half of life are filled with bad situation.

& whatever you're complaining...it gets worse

you don't know how strong you are

you don't see what and how you are

you care and assume too much

you can't follow your plan the whole way...your bound to be side track.

you don't know behind all those romantic moments, there are effort

you don't know that people like meat on them not bones

you don't have to impress....you're you.

What you will know

You see things in different ways

things won't get better, you will

Love will come, be patient

You've been with jerks and retards.....and if they're ain't worth it-DUMP EM

You're worth it

Its okay to regret, but move on after

You can save YOU, not them

Listen your heart and instinct- They work

Learn to forgive, try to forget, and stay happy

closure and understanding

llate night 2.45, or is it morning already... I 'm tired...

Today got me thinking about relationship...I am so grateful for him..He has always been there, sure we had our arguments but he always stay.

I'm especially grateful for last night. he told me how he felt, and i felt the same way.After 10 months i am still surprise that he chose me. Most people have no idea how i was before i met him, even i was surprise. I know he is not handsome, difference race,i know how people talk about us. I'd like to think that they are jealous, because I can see past those things. I know the general stereotypes are.

Recently a couple i know just broke up due to a person's change and dishonesty,talking to one of them , i felt i am now really lucky, i've kinda been in both of their shoes, and i'm glad that when i know my baby i told him everything ( may be a few minor forget details).

I've been in a bad phase, its turning good now.

Finally finish hardcore assignment, got some things done and had some closure with my family

I love you sweetheart...thank you for tolerating me and loving me so well...i don't know bout forever, but now is good, now is really good

posting now

Ok....i'm bored...wakaka..busy busy busy

well, yes i am next week is mid term, i have 2 papers and 1 speech and one more proposal to hand out and a quiz also...waaaaa......all suddenly just want to emerge together...

Past the ball...yes, it was lovely and awesome...food was the best (hadn't eaten proper food for 2 weeks, anything taste good..oh the food!!!)Performance was awesome and well...Baby was awesome too~^^

I dun wan post picture. coz no one see pun

...haiz..sienzz

confused...me against me

Do you know that when you fall in love...there is no stopping. You'll fall so deeply that u find your not yourself anymore...yes..i do feel that way.I used to be damn useless, at least i felt that way, never good enough, i was always envious of people, especially 2 person ( one my best friend, one i some how can't seem to shake off how good she is), I really don't want to name names...Cause this is one sided...they dun even know it...I hate how i am like that..ENVIOUS is not a nice word, and it doesn't mean nice.

I wish I could do does things,play an instrument or two, or maybe perfect in some skills or have money (geezz...everyone wants it)..nice feature (i have nice eyes but cacat face).. And most of time i get hit on, coz they think i'm easy, seriously i know where i stand......

I wish i wasn't so different, or so average i suppose, even i'm not sure anymore.... I am so confuse of how do I forget those feeling and how can i beat those feeling and how do make me worth more...

Now i am still confused. But being a bit better, coz atleast i am somewhat important to somebody and that they gotten use to how i am. I hate to be weak, rely on people and not know what to do. To them i am naive, i beg to differ, but i kinda like tat...I kinda like them somewhat think i am pretty, hot, and smart and independent and well...good (part of me still denies it so often that i still hate the look on the mirror, more often cause i can't stand to see how much weight i put on)..

I wan to make more friends and open up to ppl, i dun wan to be used and boycott by the whole class like i was in high school, it was terrifying....but i suppose i am content with wat i have, it can be boring some times...but its ok

I'm gonna go for prom...and i dun wan any pictures taken, that contradicting...haha...i dunno...hopefully it gonna boost me abit...

maybe i'll make an art work for this

Remember,

I love you with all my heart,

Remember

Every dream I had,

It has always been you.

A girl could never forget,

A boy little she cared about,

He will always be a fragment,

let alone forget the boy she loved.

If one day,

I leave you,

I didn't mean to hurt you,

I just wanted to make it more for you.

I'll gather every sunshine,

to brighten up your future.

I'll search every star,

to make your dream come true.

Moments are shared,

and memories are made,

don't you forget,

the love that warmth your heart.

P/s: If you do, i'll smack you

A Thousand Dreams Of You

i found a nice old song today~by leslie cheung

Oh, It's time to dream, a thousand dream of you!
It's been so grand together, yes, together.
You thrilled me from the start.
You brought the spring again.
Your fingers touched the strings of my heart and made it sing again.
I hope you dream a thousand dreams of me.
All things we're planed doing together.
And if you do, I dream my whole life through.
A thousand, a million, a zillion dreams of you!

A rose... out of nothing, one must make something

after a few days of not posting i shall post....

today...

Today..by now i did 70 sit ups already..no what so ever visible look... (and later gonna do more)

Today... baked cookies, 1st round was fine, second round was well BURN

Today... went to shop get some stuff and then mood swung bad...

i really do believe i will never lose weight... now... according to the sales girl i'm big, apparently i need to lose my boobs too or i won't find a bra...my sis and her were discussing about waist size, then they were saying the largest they ever got in their teens is 27''...while i have never been small than 30''

yeah damn sad right...i dun think i could ever do it...i hate myself ..tried hard to convince, but whats the use...the last time i had to get a pair of jeans from reject shop, and that was searching the whole place.....i went to sunway ...went to 7 to 8 shops, not one shop i could fit in ....not fucking one!

Baby booo

i say baby boo...

i love you too...

i miss you too..

i am really in the blue...

like a cuckoo

waiting for the cue

to see you

and to hold you

i'm true,

i knew,

u and i are not two

i'm like honeydew.

and your my pooh!

camera self image and ppl who take out my photo..

This is the real me...

whats is the difference????

normality....kind of...

back to normal..mina-san...

came back from kl today..its been ok

but was really annoyed by some dude, name him F, shall we?

he's "i wanna flirt with you, i wan u" attitude is really old and has gotten up my nerve. yes it has!

Why? cause i am so out of his league and i know his pattern and how a tramp he is! i've known him since high school...he is that kind that likes the chase and girls to sugarcoat!

i've talked nice (cause he is my friend)and tired of convincing...and tired of it...

Why is NO..not a No to...

well dun care .. he can f* off to where the sun dun shine!

ok...i like writing..

hello.. today i tried something..

didn't quite have an idea..but i wrote and i did some designs for it using brushes..^^

happy 8 months baby!!!

think this needs a bit more improvement

ways to see

ways to care

ways to go anywhere

oh how i wish

and how i dare

to hold the winds

that blows my hair.

The bird sang

and the trees whisper

The cloud in white

Dancing with the very blue sky

The oceans roar

and the sand sunk deep

The sun set into another nation

The night follows though,

taking over with blazing stars,

the moon shinning brilliantly,

and ocean calm as asleep

The breeze moves the leaves,

and the bird lay to rest,

for the night is long

and its only begun.

Cheessyzzz

day by day,

i plunder,

i wonder,

how u'll be,

alone separated from me.

Don't get me wrong,

its not that i don't trust,

but danger lurks,

and things go astray.

I know you'll do fine,

I know your stronger than me,

and I know that you will survive,

yet I want to be near as possible,

even when i know i can't.

Being your listener,

Making you laugh,

Afraid you'll take a wrong turn,

Walking beside and got your back,

thats my job, my pride and pleasure.

Don't take that away,

I love you and do care,

You may think you'll hurt me,

But thats okay,

It takes time to work it out,

we've got flaw,

and i'm less than perfect.

I may not have super powers,

I can't fit to be an angel,

but i'll try,

to be a decent human being

Being in love with you,

in love with every inch of you....

i'm awesome bad assed gorgeous!!! and my serve name means DICK =.=

while waiting for my baby and just can't sleep...i did thiss.....

this is what the urban dictionary says about me...

1. Joann is-

a wonderful girl who's extremely flexible and is totally not a loser.

Oh man, Joann looks really good today!

2. Joann is-

joann is just too cool for anyone..the best chindian in the face of the world...awesome she is!!!!...and she'll always have the whipped cream

friend 1: did u see joann today?
friend 2: yea, shes right over there singing with her science teacher
friend 1: well, thts joann for ya!!

3. Joann is-

A girl that pones your butt in the field of awesomeness, loves the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus, often seen as too cool to be true. Beware: she can steal your socks without taking your shoes off. You are oh so lucky to even speak her name. Without her your life is likely a swirling, deepening pit of somber meaninglessness. =)

1: Her name's JoAnn.
2: Wow, I wish I was her.
1: Me too.

4 Joann is- ( don't like this so much...but its funny...;) )

A grosdy girl who sleeps amoung all her frinds and in many cases will flash you to get what she wants.... she may or may not have various STD's

Ex: Joann is a suasage wallet!

Conclusion--joann cool whore slut

Then i search for my maiden name- Joanna

1. Joanna is

1.The most sincere, goodhearted, and gorgeous girl to grace the world with her lively presence. Some say she resembles Rachel Weisz but in actuality Weisz would never be able to reach the pedestal of beauty that Joanna sits atop of. 2. Pretty much the most awesome person you can ever hope to meet. Be weary though, Joanna is a complete badass and is known to carry either a nine or a gat with her at all times - for protection from other jealous rival badasses and if she just feels like being a thug and robbing a liquor store or grocery for the hell of it.

"Man you shot up and robbed five armored vans, assaulted three cops, and beat up Jean-Claude Van Damme. You're almost as badass as Joanna."

Joanna is so awesome her presence radiates awesomeness.

2. Joanna is

Beautiful girl, usually dark haired, and has a great taste in music.

Who's that chick who can moonwalk, play guitar and fly?

-Oh that's just Joanna

3 Joanna is

Seriously the most awsome-est person ever
Most Joannas will typically be extremely successful in life and have some friends who like to copy off of them.
Joannas really don't like niners and usually bully them around in the lockers, some Joannas may even steal their lunch money....
Niners beware...

I totally Joannaed that niner!
Joanna= Awsomeness!

4. Joanna is

Perfection in human form. Someone who is "Joanna" is likely to be creative, lovely, intelligent and charming; and will always have an impeccable dress sense.
If you are friends with a Joanna, count yourself lucky. They are truely the nicest people you will ever meet.

"I wish I was as Joanna as her... *sigh*"

5 Joanna is

A sexy girl that makes the world smile

Wow that girl is a Joanna.

6. Joanna is (i like this one)

the dopest biznatch you'll ever meet. Joannas are funny, nice, and know how to have a good time. but if you screw around with joanna, she'll fuck you up 10x worser than you'd ever imagine.

guy: did you see that nigga's face? damn!!
girl: oh yeah. joanna did that.

7. Joanna is

Amazing girl who everybody loves and has a boyfriend that can't come close to her, also very beautiful, sexy, good kisser, and amazing ass. Who ever gets a Joanna is lucky.

Brian: hey how was your night with Joanna? ;)

The Bf: it was alright, dude she's WAY outa my league!

thats 7 meaning that ppl give ....and there is more...+.+

And the Best one---PINTO

1.

An especially nasty-looking cross between a caucasian and a nigger; a mulatto.

His empty rhetoric betrays the irrefutable truth that loudmouth Obama is nothing more than a feeble-minded pinto.

2.

Noun: Refers to someone with a penis this is less than five inches in length when erect.

Adjective: Describes a person who has a penis that is less than five inches in length when erect.

Billy: "Hey Sally my friend Joe has a penis that is less than five inches in length when erect."

Sally: " Wow, I feel really bad for that Pinto."

Bobby: "Yeah I know, my friend Joe is a pinto because he has a small penis."

3.

1. An ugly, moronically designed Ford product introduced in the '70s which was prone to explosions (and killed a few people) thanks to the gas tank being positioned directly behind the back bumper.

2. A Brazillian term for "small cock".

1. "Tony's Pinto got rear-ended dude - it was engulfed in flames within two minutes"

2. "I heard Rivaldo had a pinto, so I fucked his wife over and over again until she looked like she was seeing God"

4.

Pinto means cock in Brazil (not "small cock", like some entries here say). "Pintinho" would be small cock. There.

Nao se esqueca de sacudir o pinto antes de coloca-lo de volta dentro da calca. ("Don't forget to shake your cock before you put it back in your pants." (after you take a leak, that is)

5.

a white guy with a black penis

I know a kid who has a pinto. He calls it Black Magic.

6.

1. A portmanteau of the surnames of actors Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto used to refer to their relationship, often in a romantic and/or sexual context.

2. The name given to a lovechild produced by the union of the aforementioned actors, whose likeness is imagined to combine the most attractive attributes of each man into a glorious whole.

1. "It's not my fault I ship Pinto; it's their fault for being so awesome together."

2. "Pinto is a GQ motherfucker so fly he doesn't even exist!"

what a new webcam can do...

super cammmmm......RM38 only

not very good cannot ask so much, plus the model is all dat pretty

What happen to me?

Since when time decrease and i've become so dumb..or become a simpleton...

randommm

A brilliant sun

A brilliant thought

Of you with me

down on the street

Awesome day

Blazing moments

Take breaths away

and then my heart

No more cries

But only smiles

No more frown

Only laughs that shines

Walking across the beautiful green

Passing people with a million faces

I don't see them

I see you.

You (myself) VS I

Call me weak,

Call me anything ,

I'm me.

When you taunt

When you try

I'm don't care.

Cause i'm hanging by the moment,

being me here,

I fall,

I cry,

You laugh,

But its normal.

I'm tired

Facing you, myself

Will you ever follow "I"?

Stop trying to put yourself down

Try putting I to lead...

Guess your sturborn,

As I know,

you are me,

you'd never give way for I

whats wrong with you? whats wrong with me?

First of all...need to announce, had an awesome time in MOS on thursday with my baby

thats right...see my a$$ ..haha~^^

Well, i danced like i never dance before...

Now the shitty part. came back home and here comes the weight problem...i might be 80 kg now (i not sure)..see...i think i look ok, hard to find clothes but hey, i dun lack em yet nor do i need to start counting what i eat..

my sis jac and joni keep saying my ass is ugly and i'm fat though i have not given birth...

Just when i start feeling sexy and lovable, they just had to put me down, Leo says its just that they are jealous...

but i doubt that really....they look better than me...front and back... and basically looked more eurasian i ever did when they were my age...the other thing that i'm better is probably i'm a better cook than they are which in terms, they don't see it as a compliment.

I'd always had weight problem and then came along confidence, when i went to MOS i felt good realizing more people are honest to themselves, dress up better , prettier and dancing the night away without worrying are you blocking the way?...I want to join them...and with Leo's encouragement, i enjoy and i love it, and start appreciating my body...even though i've gain weight.

sometimes i just don't see why they are like that, even though their my closest kin. All i want is a peace of mind without the "weight talk or comments".. am i asking alot?

attention whore....

Its quite a while since i ever wrote...yeap i am feeling shitty today....

why?

i hate admiting stuff that i know its true..example: attention whore

i have this ego thing going...its deep down...( one of the reason why i still keep my tagged account and keeping record of so far 6427 friend request) i dun like to admit it...sometimes i dun mind attention and yes i actually like it at times, being said right in the face "attention whore" and "lame " isn;t what i hoped for though...

Its cold water in your face

I know, i can't take criticism, i suck at it...but i am damn good at criticizing people....i should be fine in the background, its where i've always fit in...reaching literally for the "star", thats not possible, thats not where i should be...

"the person i can be and the person i want to be is 2 different thing...it was why i decided not to have dreams.."

I hate myself for it...its another ugly side of me that i hate people to see....i'm weak..i dun like asking for help, i dun wan to depend on people, yet i still cling on people....

when i write this post, i feel like i am having a dialog with myself....

i hate myself...its just ugly...

people are so blind, and i hate that too...i am not strong, i am not cute nor am i understanding...

i am not all that...

even i dun no what i am...i be myself, but somehow i'm scare how people look at me...

haiz..i'm just being stupid...

me.

sometimes i wonder, what the hell am i doing?

why am i like this, hurting and lying people i love the most

sometimes i wonder, am i worth it?

i wonder

who am i?

where do i go?